I'M BEGGING YOU , PLEASE STAY .
warnings for the following : abortion mention , suicide mention , depression .
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they say that angels do not exist. to believe in such heavenly beings is foolish . there are no entities that brim in such beauty , such fineness & holiness . they are fictional , they are fake . they are the lies scripted in the pages of the books you read.
they say that shooting stars cannot make wishes come true . a shooting star , scientifically speaking , is but a burning rock racing towards the ground : & as it gets faster , it burns . it burns & burns & burns till it crisps into eternal nothingness & dies , falling into the void of oblivion .
but here lies the tale that’ll prove that beliefs wrong . a tale that’ll make you believe that angels do exist . a tale that’ll make you believe that shooting stars can make wishes come true . it is the tragedy of tragedies , that’ll turn into a book that shalt give you hope .
t’is the tale of the angel who fell in the form of a shooting star.
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on a snowy day on the third of may ; a bright light glides throughout the winter sky . a baby’s cry is heard underneath the ivory - kissed blanket & here our story begins.
‘ you’ll give birth to a beautiful , beautiful baby boy! ‘ the fortune teller predicts days before , bright smile on wrinkled lips . the female , however , frowned . she didn’t want a baby . she wanted it gone , dead , gone gone gone . it was unwanted , a slip up from her little ‘ fun time ‘ with a boy who didn’t even bother to return . & now here she lies , stuck with a child she didn’t wish to have . in various of ways she tried to kill the being growing inside of her . fall off the stairs . drink pills , alcohol . tire yourself out , anything for it’s chances of living to shrink. but yet , before she could do any of those , her sister ceased her : ‘ don’t . ‘ she says , ‘ what a waste of beauty you’ll do . ‘
& reluctantly , she didn’t . so on the third of may came out a beautiful baby boy . mother refuses to name her son & lets her sister take the privilege . ‘ yoosung ‘ , she said , ‘ because it means shooting star , i believe . & a shooting star passed by the exact moment he was born . he’s a gift . ‘
a soft cry rings out from the child . ‘ he’s a mistake ‘ his mother had said , ‘ he’s so beautiful , though ‘ his sister contradicts .
alas , this is the prologue of the tale . the beginning of a beautiful mistake .
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i wish to be like everyone else is what he always asked to the stars . he wishes to fit in , to be loved & cherished . especially by his mother . but his wishes cannot come true if she keeps avoiding his gaze . his prayer cannot be accomplished if she keeps ignoring his words / failing to give him recognition . his desire cannot be committed if she doesn’t love him in the first place .
as a substitute , his auntie was there . she spoiled him endlessly but he always said no , but gladly accepted her love anyway . though he wishes his mother could give the same . that sweet little smile & those loving words . that love that she gave him . he wanted that from her but that was the only thing he cannot receive .
‘ where’s dad? ‘ he once asked his aunt , voice innocent & soft . he is the concept of naivety & epitome of gullibility . in anything , he’d believe for facts is what he lacks . ‘ everyone in my school has a dad . do i have a dad? ‘
lip - bitten smile is bestowed . ‘ yes ‘ she lies , & she was the guilty for his obliviousness to grow , ‘ he’s overseas. always very busy . he loves you very much . ‘
in a father he didn’t have he believed in.
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a shining star he was & they knew this . a good boy he was in class & the teachers recognize this . however , all compliments fail to paint a smile on lips despite him never able to get this from his mother . ‘a golden star i have’ , he’d say / ‘ a perfect score i have ‘, he’d boast / ‘ everyone loves me in class , ma ‘ he’d cry , ‘ everyone but you. ‘
all came crippling down with mama found a loving husband . he had a dad , a step - father . he was glad that he did but he was not glad that he was the same . he did not love him for he was not his son . he was an extra in this little family that started to grow , a mistake of a flower that wasn’t supposed to sprout .
soon came a sister . she was so beautiful , so , so beautiful : hazelnut hair that grew until her back , wondrous smile that sent everyone aback , shining blue eyes that’ll send you in awe , perfect existence that his mother saw .
she was perfect . she was meant to be here / he was imperfect . he was a mistake .
so why bother ?
‘ mama told me you’re just a slip up from a bad boyfriend ‘ she once told him. all words she said next are mute .
somehow , somehow , he could feel himself slowly being tugged down by a heavy weight .
he’s about to fall into an ocean of his tears.
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he longs for escape a vagabond he might be but he does not care . he wishes to free himself from this prison of hell , a prison where he was unloved & a stranger to the house. his mother constantly reminds him on how he was but a slip up / wrong doing / mistake as she laughs & smiles with them . he envies it so much .
auntie died . left with him was her cat . another heavy tug was felt on his feet , a tug that was painful . that tug was felt at a monochromatic day . the rain that poured down like bullets felt like it was draining all the color found in his life . the funeral was sad , almost empty with no one but him mostly . he cried along with the sky , hands covering face as knees sank in the mud of the ground .
for the next years of his life , he was quiet & introverted . he always wishes to the stars but got nothing . he always sent paper airplanes to the sky on 11:11s but got nothing . he counts 9 stars in 9 days but gets nothing . all these lies & telltales he’s believing in for he was desperate for validation / love but he gets nothing.
college came. he was kicked out & he lived alone in a dusty apartment .
the tug pulls him deeper . he’s drowning.
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a struck of light he saw as he reached out as he drowns . it is the light visible you see when you sink into the water deeper . the light , surprisingly , leans in & reaches for him . the sun has came to bring brightness to his darkness . the sun has came down to rain upon him instead of stormy clouds . the sun came in a form of a beautiful girl with blonde hair & green eyes .
the sun came down in a form of a girl named rika . his savior , his light , his sun , his closest star & his beloved .
he’s never met any of his cousins before . were they even considered his cousins though he was a mistake? he didn’t know what to believe in now . but rika was kind , smart , beautiful & all in all the sister he wished he had . she made him laugh , smile , grin & all the other thing he wasn’t able to do in a million of years . she gave him the best gift he could ever receive : purpose .
& thus the angelic being strives to do everything to make her proud . he studied hard , volunteered in many & learned how to cook for him to help her whenever she needed it . he did everything to return everything she did for him. she was the most important being he ever had in his life . she was his savior .
& in a small group he was welcomed after . RFA it was called . there he met several others who , too , were all wounded . the family he wished he had received .
yes , pain doesn’t last .
but happiness doesn’t either.
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she’s gone & he’s a goner . in the midst of laughs , smiles & whatnot came the biggest tragedy of all . his shooting star had died . his wish didn’t lied . his sun extinguished & she extinguished herself . she’s gone .
purpose is lost . he doesn’t have it anymore . in a void of sadness he fell in for eternity . what’s the point of continuing ? he didn’t have a source of happiness . a source of light , a source of purpose . he can no longer have motivation to continue .
in the world of games he drowned himself in . what’s the point of having a brighter future without her ?
his wishes did not come true , you see . & he doesn’t wish anyone to feel that .
so , he’d be the shooting star . he’d do everything to make everyone’s wishes come true .
& to make her happy . make her proud .
the story doesn’t end here .
